dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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