My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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