she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
