What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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