remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
