so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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