Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
