you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
