Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
