ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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