I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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