fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
