At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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