I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
