This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think my fart just growled at me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
