Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am naked and annoyed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize