my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
