i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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