My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
