I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
