Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
