Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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