Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
