respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
