actually, I'm a sock model
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
