No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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