So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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