If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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