It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
