her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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