You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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