Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
