I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
