4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
