I accidentally burped into my bong.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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