Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
