your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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