I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
