Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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