Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
