Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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