was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
