He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
