Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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