You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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