theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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