Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cockslap morals
they need to just BURY HIM!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
