I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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