I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
