I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
