Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
