Barsexuality is the new black.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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