dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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