I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
