The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
