Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
