i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
