ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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