and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
