My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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