I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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