It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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