K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
