well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
