So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I love you. Go after that dick
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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