i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
