Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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