What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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