Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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