So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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