He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
