First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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