I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
