You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
