he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to make out with him forever
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
