Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
