Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
