When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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