I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
two words...techno handjob
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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