but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize